Jude (is gonna get fucked by the) Law

Jude Law is to demand a DNA test to check he is the father of a pregnant model's child.

The actor has vowed to stand by Samantha Burke if she is carrying his baby, but has apparently told friends he wants to be '100 per cent certain' that the child is his.

Fair enough I say, if she dropped her thong for him so easily who knows what other multi-millionaires she may have found irresistible… I find it interesting that in these cases, people always blame the man, and treat the grown up woman (who consented to sex) as the victim. So much for equal treatment eh.

Miss Burke's grandmother said he had taken advantage of the 'young, innocent and silly girl' whose father had 'read him the riot act'.

Delores Burke said: 'To say this family is mad at that man is an understatement.

'He has behaved as less than a gentleman. My son Denis is hopping mad. He feels that Jude Law took advantage of his little girl.'

Yeah yeah, poor woman. She just didn’t understand the ramifications of having unprotected sex with a man. I mean seriously, let’s CUT THE SHIT. If she honestly did not want to get pregnant she could have insisted he wore protection and/ or taken the Pill the following morning.

But she didn’t, did she? She could have even had an abortion, unless she disagrees with them, which would just add emphasis on making the man wear protection as an abortion would then be out of the question. Mr Law isn’t innocent either, but everyone is already attacking him although there doesn’t seem to be any reason to.

But he was said to have told friends that he was not certain he was the father of the child, whose mother has already named her Sophia.

A friend told the News of the World: 'At the moment Jude doesn't know for sure he is the father. He thinks he is - but he wants to be 100 per cent certain. There has been a lot of speculation. But if it is his baby girl he'll be there for her every step of the way.'

Let’s look at this innocent victim woman some more.

Aww, look at her! Standing so innocently, gazing up into the sky, that practised actress look of sadness and isolation. I should have drawn a halo over her head. Jude Law obviously controlled her and forced her into this situation, right? I mean, it’s all downhill for the (previously) unheard of actress. Now she is burdened with a child. What could she possibly have to gain?

Miss Burke's lawyers have indicated that she wants a sizeable payout from Law, including a percentage of his future earnings.

He makes around £3million a movie and such a deal, which would cost him millions, could be a factor in his apparent change of heart over the DNA test. He has already paid a £6million lump sum to his ex-wife Sadie Frost, the mother of his three children.

I have just thought up a new word for this. Cash-babies, you know, like cash cows.

Miss Burke, who is staying with her mother Lea in Pensacola, Florida, was said to have told Law about their child in a letter within the past month.

Why didn’t she tell him sooner? Feels like they were organising this press campaign to demonize the man so they can increase the payout.

Law was reported to have told Miss Frost, 44, that he only slept with the model once after a drunken party.

He said last week that he 'intends to be a fully supportive part of the child's life', but Delores Burke said he had not been in contact with her granddaughter.

Mrs Burke, 80, of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, said the relationship between the model and Law had lasted a fortnight before he returned to Britain and 'dumped her cold'.

Yeah, she was obviously a fling. She may have gotten pregnant with the idea of trying to hook Jude Law into a relationship. Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.

Bit of advice to ALL YOU MEN.

Never trust ANY WOMAN with your sperm. Never trust ANY WOMAN with responsibility of contraception. Never trust ANY WOMAN with the disposal of your condom. Your sperm is your responsibility, and if you get a woman pregnant you will have the responsibility of paying for her and the baby for 18 years, even while having no RIGHTS whatsoever.

Don’t say the Field Marshal didn’t warn you…